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| Holy shit, it has been forever since my last post on here. Knowing me, this will be the only post for a really long time. Seeing as no one really reads these anyways, I will spill my heart out. Over the past 6 months I was dating Amanda, as most of you know. We broke up over this past weekend. It was tough and it was needed. Plenty of irreconsilable differences. My patience had worn thin. I was tired of it and had to do something. It was fun while it lasted, but just grew stale the last month or so. I was visibly not happy and she couldnt even notice it. She was off in her own world that no stress could come our relationship seeing as its "perfect". Well, obviously not. When I posted my latest blog (no longer there) on myspace, she finally got it, and it was too late. Its hard to put so much patience in someone then to have them not do what they say. Oh well, I need to move on from this and I think I am almost there. For most of you who dont know, there is another side to this story. This side has nothing to do with me and Amanda breaking up, so please no one accuse me of it. Here it goes. During my time with Rose last year, I became somewhat closer friends with my friend Jamie. She was always Rose's friend, and so I knew her that way. Well, things became sour with Rose, and Jamie stuck by MY side and not hers surprisingly. Towards the end of the Rose Era, Jamie and I had become close friends. She even once told me when I would talk to her about Amanda stuff and told her to not tell Rose, she would say "If I never talk to her again, I wouldnt be dissapointed. I think of you as a much better friend than Rose ever will be" Well, ever since we became close I have had feelings for her. This goes all the way back to the end of June I believe. I liked her and wanted her, but she had someone and I also liked Amanda and Amanda seemed like the logical choice. 2-3 weeks after Amanda and I started dating, Jamie had broken up with her b/f. It was a tough time for me because it was still new with Amanda, but I always thought to myself what I wanted more. Obviously we all know how I went about it. Jamie and I talked all the time and she would even ask Amanda and I to help her find a b/f. Well little did she know that I hated doing it because I wish it could have been me. After a while, she found a guy named Adam whom we didnt like. He seemed like a good guy, but he was really fake. She started to fall in love with him and I was with Amanda, so all feelings I had were forced to be locked away. Me and her had a healthy friendship of flirting all the time and being "best friends" so to speak. I have been told now that most of my friends would say that we liked each other and it was only a matter of time, but I didnt know that at all. I thought it was kinda hard to see being that we were consistent with our actions over time and not once did we ever display anything out of the ordinary for someone to think that. Oh well. I once had a weird dream about Jamie and I think from that moment on I knew my feelings were real. I am not going into detail, but she knows. She later had a weird dream about me also, and it was set. I had kept my feelings, I guess what I thought was a secret for a long time. Just recently I told her how I felt and she expressed the same feelings for me. I know it was weird timing seeing as the break-up was around the same time. The situation was just right and I had to get them out seeing as I was talking with a friend about it and my stepmom earlier that day. The feelings needed to get out, and I didnt care about my other situation. I had already made my decision on ending the relationship, but Amanda hadnt known that yet. The timing of this couldnt be any worse, but it had to come out. Through the past 7 months Jamie and I have been very close and we came to each other over the problems we had in our relationships. It was always hard for me to listen because I knew Adam wasnt right for her, but I had to conceal my true feelings and support her. And I know she had to do the same exact thing. Now that all of our feelings are out in the open, I have been able to breathe easier. I know, just like I did 7 months ago, that I want to be with her. Not to say my relationship with Amanda wasnt for real or any of my feelings involved there werent real, but I think in the back of my head I always knew I wanted to be with Jamie. All of my feelings that I expressed for Amanda were real, so no one should accuse me of using her or lying to her. Its just that in the back of my head I had other thoughts. Not the entire time, but for majority of the relationship I would think elsewhere when we were not together. I really did fall in love with Amanda and will always have love for her, but I think in a sense it wasnt fair to her that that small part of me wanted something else. By no means did I break up with Amanda because of Jamie, as most people may see this as, because I broke up with Amanda on my own terms and my own reasons. I dont know what is to become of Jamie and myself, but I really hope that it works out for the best. I know what I want, and that is to be with her. I have been too quiet for too long to have things not said. 7 months of feelings have been built up and I want to let them out. Jamie, if you read this, I want to be with you. I hope you want to be with me too. I promise that I can make you the happiest girl in the world. I will NEVER cheat on you, and I would never lie to you and make excuses like someone else did. Phew, that was a lot. I hope you people enjoy this little diddy. Its long I know, but I had to get this out. Only a select few have known these words, and now I am letting everyone know. Amanda, if you ever read this, I am very sorry you had to read this. Until next time....HOLLA!!! | | |
| Its been awhile folks. Well, since this last post, I have started dating the wonderful Amanda MacFarlane, whom I love dearly. Because of her, my shitty summer went awesome. My bowling was great for the summer, though I have had a slow start for the fall league. I no longer work at Stracks and I have a job at the bowling alley. Hmmm, I was at BSU this past weekend to visit, they have really fixed it up. It was nice to see the few people that I did see. I didnt have the greatest time, but we dont need to get into that. I will just say that I felt like Mitch from the movie "Waiting". I am 21 now, I went to Vegas to celebrate. It was nice and relaxing to get away from the 2 jobs I had worked hard at all summer. I will admit though, I havent been myself since I came back from Vegas and I am still trying to figure out why. I think that I have just been overwhelmed with things lately, whether it be school, parents, work, emotions, or whatever. I'll get better soon, and I apologize for anyone that has seen me in my irritable mood. Stick with me and I will be "The Sensation" again, god I feel like Joe right now.... grrrr... Well, until then....HOLLA!!! | | |
| Its been a little over 2 months since my last post. Man, its been an awesome two months, with the exception of a few things. Where to start:
Well, I started my second job, which is the same one as last summer. I am working like crazy, but I think it will be worth it in the end. I am working at least 60 hours a week and dont have time to do much except my bowling leagues...
Bowling has been doing amazing for me. I am finally coming around. I finally won my first tourney, I shot a 299 in it as well. I should be getting my ring soon. In one summer league, I have already shot a 793 and 794 series. I cant believe that I did it twice, but I am happy. Still waiting for that 800 though. The other summer league is kinda disappointing, but I think I am coming around in that one. I shot a 278 game and a 659 series, both the high game and series of the league. My team is crawling its way up the ladder. Which brings me to my team....
Rose and I broke up on June 30th. To me, it was pretty stupid and lame, but I guess to her she justifies herself. I dont know what to think of it, but honestly, I think its so stupid that I dont even feel anything by it. Maybe I should? Oh well, maybe we can be friends, but we all know that wont happen. All I can say is, is that I was a good boyfriend and learned how to be one. If she cant remember that, then oh well. Its time for me to move on for once....
I think I have made piece with myself being single. I dont mind it at all. Sure I like the companionship, but I like knowing no matter what I do, I dont have to check in with anyone. I'm not saying I'm not looking for a relationship, but I am gonna wait and see what happens. I may have my eye on someone, but that is for me to know and maybe that person to find out, if they really want. Im just out to have fun....
Speaking of fun, I went to Chicago yesterday with a friend. I had a great time and we really bonded. Cubs game was awesome because I got to visit Wrigley for the first time, and they got whooped on by the Mets. A trip to Navy Pier was nice. Dinner and a Ferris Wheel ride, cant beat that...
Speaking of beating, I will not be beat in bowling or pool, just so you know. Amanda, you got lucky and beat me for that bet, wont happen again. Bowling, none of my friends will beat me. Its fun knowing that, but I am not trying to sound cocky, its just me being over confident. Im looking for a challenger, so step up. Ok, for serious here. I have been in that mood to bowl a lot, and maybe it helps that I have been kicking ass. I also played pool last week and it was fun. I hadnt played in a while...
To all who read, you guys are awesome. Those who are my friend, you are even more awesome. Those who actually care, thanks a lot. I dont have much else to say, so I am gonna head out of here. Until then........HOLLA!!! | | |
| Wow, its been a whole month since my last post. Well, its been forever since my last update. Hmm, what has been going on with me? Well, lets go with bowling...
Since the turn of the new year, I have been bowling a lot more, seeing as I am once again at home. I got my average up to a 215 to end the season. I won my first tournament in April, where I bowled a 242 average for 10 games and completely annihilated everyone. I have gotten only 1 new ball since then, with a new spare ball on the way as we speak. That one ball has gotten me 4 780 or higher series' in the past 2 months. I have also gotten 3 280+ games with it. In January, I shot my first 300, even though it didnt count. This past Wednesday night, I donned a new nickname. I shot an astonishing 793 series for league, thus making me "Mr. 793". Not doing nationals this year, and I am still looking to win some money. Other than all that, its about normal.
School just finished up, and I will not be going back to BSU this fall. No more flip-flopping. I am doing just fine here, but I will be visiting my BSU friends whenever I can. It's been a long semester.
My parents aren't on the right page right now, hope things get better. I have had a lot of stress with a certain someone needing to know what goes on with my life minute by minute, but I have gotten through it and its all good now. My best friend left us all by going to the Navy. I know its for a good thing and all, but he is still missed. I have started a job at a grocery store, and my manager seems to hate me, which sucks. I start my summer job this monday, so I have to balance 2 jobs, 2 summer leagues, and softball all within a week every week for the summer. MY dog, that I had for 9 years, had to be put down in March. It all happened so fast, and it hurt. I miss her dearly, but she isnt in any more pain, which is what I would rather have for her. That should be it on the stress side.
We are re-doing the house. New carpet and floors. No idea why, but I hope its not a sign that we are moving. I dont want to leave. Oh well, I dont think that is the case.
That is all with my life from January til now. Hope you enjoyed that little bit of reading, those of you who actually read these things. I will update when I am not busy, until then... HOLLA!!! | | |
| These are the honest to god truth to all of the questions from me. No sense in me cheating because that would be selfish too. For those of you people out there who see me as a big selfish guy, here is your quiz to see me
| You Are 35% Selfish |
 In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you. |
BOOYAH!!! | | |
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